i don't like sucking hair
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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