Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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