I accidentally burped into my bong.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
