Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
