Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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