**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
