I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
