Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
God I need to hump something, right now.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
