Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
