That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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