hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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