hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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