Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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