Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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