She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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