Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
MIDGETS
????
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i think i just lost a toe
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
