Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
