This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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