Plan B is the new Plan A
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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