Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
