All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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