I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
