He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
