The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
