last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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