Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
this boner is exhausting
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
