Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
