she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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