some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
