and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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