Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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