Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
