i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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