oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
