It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
