see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
