if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I didn't notice because vodka
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
