im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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