I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i drank out of a bidet.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
