Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
