community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
