Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You were trust falling into bushes
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
