you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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