Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
