one might say we're banned from that church
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
