dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
