Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
