Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
