super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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