I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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