i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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