hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
