apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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