Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
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